Putting the last spoon
on the table, she smiled
He may not know, but
the one thing she tried
was to make the day a good one.
With no reason to shun
away the good times.
Alas! He bought it up again
“You gotta loose all the gain”
Her eyes welled as she spoke
“Its not in my control.
It hurts even to try.”
“You don’t look sick” said the voice of cajole.
“So do not cry
Eat healthy. Run more
Its in your head I am sure.
Where is the swelling?
Why you take pills?
There is no telling
How long can we pay bills.
You are not sick. Just being lazy.
Get back your old self. It’s driving me crazy.”
She sat there in disbelief.
The one person meant to understand
Refused her any kind of relief.
Where shall she go?
Whom to talk?
People with invisible illness
Must alone walk.
All they want is to be believed,
And with a pinch of care things to be recieved.
You can’t help them already.
Just be kind and steady.
So.. the wolf is under constant thrashing. The wolf is almost leashed. Is the butterfly safe now?
The potions that keeps the wolf in check has another effect. It increases the susceptibility to get more predators attack the Butterfly.
In simpler words, the immunosuppressants works to suppress immunity, hence keeping a check on the disease activity. But when the immunity is already weaken, the body is more prone to infections.
The Butterfly is also battling one such foe. She hopes the fight to get over soon and beat the invador out. But in the meantime she must not forget her archenemy, the Wolf. He is her constant opponent.
I am ….. well.. it doesn’t matter who am I. This is the battle ground and the Butterfly must face more than one foe. Losing is not an option.
Yes, a wolf lives inside me.
Yes, I can not make easy choices like others do.
Yes, I have limited number of spoons. Always.
But does that means I must compromise with who I am and how my future should be?
Hello precious readers. First of all sincere apologies for disappearing for a long time. Secondly, today I am not going to talk about the wolf. Today’s topic is about life choices. Living in an Indian traditional family means one has to follow the social code. Which also includes getting married ‘on time.’ ‘On time’ usually means 24-28 years for girls, and for men…. well men don’t need a time boundation. Do they?
Living with a wolf already slashes your chances to get married to half. And if the girl is a fiesty one who cares for career (someone like me) it is further slashed to half. For a long long time I resisted the ‘marriage’ topic but now since I already crossed the ‘right age’ my family made me meet few perspective matches.
What do you say when the match experesses his vision of an ‘ideal wife’ and belittles you profession as an insignificant whim to earn pocketmoney?
I refuse to be with someone who fails to recognise me as an equal and would call my work as a tiny little thing. I will never compromise or surrender either to the wolf or to a perspective partner. Never.
I am the Butterfly and the Wolf or social stigma would never be able to make me bow down to them.
“To be,or not to be;that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or,to take arms against a sea of troubles, And,by opposing,end them.To die,to sleep-”
The dilemma.. The dilemma.. It is the dilemma that gets you and puts you down right in my arms. Oh! How I love to see my Butterfly getting sucked in by dilemmas.
I am sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. I am the Wolf, Lupus and I live inside the one I love, my Butterfly.
You know, there are days when my Butterfly falls into traps of dilemmas. Traps like loss of few spoons, getting an idea that I am getting hungry and will soon feast upon her. Usually in these situations she choose the easy way out. To sleep on it for few days, take extra dose of her potion (prednisolone) and push me in a corner. Sure, that hurts me. A lot. But it also hurts her as well. These potions are quite potent.
But something is off these days. Everytime I try to bare my fangs, she take a different path. Instead of flossing them, she would punch them really hard. With controlled diet and moderated exercise she pushes me to the corner without hurting herself intensively. Sure working out hurts but not as much as the potions do.
Yesterday she was talking to a friend. She said, “If you must choose, do not choose an easy way. There is always a trap ahead.”
I am the Wolf, and this kind of attitude really makes me sad. I want the Butterfly to surrender, but she fails me each time. Tragic.
How long has it been sine I last spoke? 2 weeks? no i think 3 weeks. Or probably 4. Meh! I cant remember. But one thing is for sure, the butterfly is keeping busy. so busy that she won’t even pay attention to me. I feel like a child crying for attention.
While she is keeping busy, she also makes sure to keep pushing me back. caging me every time she gets an opportunity. But don’t think that I am going to take it easily. Oh no sir, I won’t! Every time she pushes me back, I bite her. I bite and bite and bite her. But for some reason, my teeth appear not to dig in as hard as they ought to be. I wonder why?
Probably it is because of all the work-out regime, change in lifestyle and never giving up attitude. Who cares. I am just feeling down and trust me, it is not a pleasant feeling. I am the Wolf, Lupus and no matter how hard my butterfly hits me, I will not leave her side. Not even when my teeth crumble to dust and my nails break like matchstick.
Hello readers. Welcome to yet another post of the butterfly. Today the butterfly is going to talk about her new recipe.
Smile- 2 ounce
Anger- 0.03 gram
Yelling- as per the need
Energy- 10 pound
New games and ideas- everyday
Class of screaming kids
Walk into a classroom full of screaming kids with one ounce of smile on the face.
Caution: if this is your time with this recipe, you may feel little discomfort while preparation. Do not worry about tiny reactions like pouts by the kids or initial screams.
You may try yelling to draw in the attention of the active ingredients (kids) . Once the ingredients simmer down a bit, throw in the catalyst of games and ideas. This may ignite the reaction and the ingredients may become super active. You may add up little yelling with a pinch of anger to calm it up.
Set the rules of the game and start with the participations. Remember just like each apple is important in a pie, each child is required in this recipe. Get them all pour in their flavour. Use your energy to channel these flavours wisely. One wrong move may turn the entire experience bitter. Soon the classroom will overflow with the sweet sensation of fun and joy. Use the remaining one ounce of smile before leaving the classroom. Repeat this recipe in every class.
Viola! The recipe of a perfect day at school with lots of happiness is ready.
It may be draining, tiring and painful recipe, but at the end of the day it brings contentment and smile. I am the Butterfly and I chose the hard way. Bring it on Wolf, I won’t lose to you!
“Calm yourself.. Don’t react! Calm yourself.. Just don’t react.”
I can hear her. I can hear my butterfly. I can see the cracks running deep in her mask.
“Enough of your expectations. I can be on time. Why can’t you? I stay through the day but you decide to leave early and seek my favour to cover you ass? I am in charge but I am also liable to reply to someone!”
Oh crap! There she goes again. She snapped one more time. Patch it up. Patch your mask. Hurry!
“Umm.. I am sorry at snapping at you. But please understand I can’t help always.”
That’s it.. Keep it up. Glue the mask back. Hold it together. People can not see your pain. They can’t understand it is a constant battle just to get through the day. When you don’t complain even your family forgets that you are all tapes and glue from the inside. But since you don’t let them see how you are falling apart, how do you expect them to understand? So, just keep it together and keep patching up the mask.
I know I have been a bad wolf, constantly hungry and chewing up on you. But you are my lifeline. I can’t exist without you. I need you to stay with me. Though even a dinner takes a toll on you these days yet, I want you to keep the mask intact. Never take it off. I may understand you, not the rest of the world.
I am the Wolf Lupus and I need my Butterfly to keep the happy mask on. I may make the task tough for her, but that is my right. I am a huge part of her life afteral.